John Lewis asked me to share my rules for a perfect Christmas.
When I started thinking about our Christmas rules I realised that we don’t really have many.
We are fairly kamikaze in our approach to Christmas and of course very … ahem … relaxed.
Really …
Decorations
Before having children we would wait till as late as possible before decorating the tree, on one year not having a tree at all. Bah humbug.
Nowadays we I put up our tree as early as possible, the only rule being it is in December. I whack on the Christmas tunes and let the children decorate the tree. We buy one new decoration a year for the tree.
When the children are in bed the husband who is a perfectionist redecorates the tree.
Every year without fail the husband will threaten to buy a ‘tasteful’ whicker light up reindeer for the front lawn. This means he wanders round the garden centres illuminations once a week eyeing them up. So far no reindeer. Maybe this is the year.
Christmas Eve
Every Christmas Eve we pile into Teacher Friend Mother of Three’s house for party food and games. We then go to the neighbouring villages church hall to listen to a brass band (all volunteers) play whilst we sing along. As we leave the church hall Santa says goodbye and hands us each a piece of fruit whilst holding a banner advertising the local fruit and veg shop.
Although this is not my activity of choice I have ulterior motives. Out of the house for approximately five hours the children use up some of their excess excitement and arrive home ready for bed. I come home feeling REALLY Christmassy.
The husband has already told me he refuses to attend ‘the dodgy carol singing’ this year and would like to return to his old Christmas Eve ‘out with the lads’. But he won’t.
Children
The children leave a mince pie and beverage of the husband’s choice out for Santa and a carrot or two for the reindeers.
As they are getting ready for bed they will question me relentlessly about how Santa will get down our chimney as we have a gas fire. I will come over all Paul Daniels and repeatedly say “It’s magic”.
On Christmas Day the children will wake early as usual and open the presents in their stocking on our bed as we try to prise our eyelids open. We then go downstairs to see if Santa’s been. There will then be a frenzy of present opening and a lull whilst the husband spends an hour removing various toys from their packaging and assembling them whilst swearing. It will only be 7am.
The children then get dressed before ringing people who have sent presents. The 3 year old will remain silent during his part of the phone call whilst I tell the person in a loud voice that he is very grateful. The 5 year old will rabbit away and confuse anyone who is partially deaf (Gramps). I will have to go on the phone and translate for the person on the other end of the phone.
The teenager will get socks and pyjamas … amongst other things. Fact.
Christmas Dinner
The husband always does ALL the cooking whilst wearing a festive apron and draining a bottle of Red wine. He likes it that way and I don’t complain.
Everyone has a scratch card at their table setting and the stepfather in law always wins, sometimes up to £50.
We have sprouts as they are one of my favourite vegetables.
I eat the most sprouts.
The teenager will humour me by having her one and only sprout of the year.
The mother in law will present her trifle which is unusual as it has pink blamanche in it. She will leave her trifle dish at our house and forget about it until 2 weeks before Christmas when she will collect it.
I will eat lots of trifle.
Later when we have partially digested a massive Christmas dinner we will eat cold leftovers.
Cold sprouts are delicious. Fact
We try sit down to watch a great Xmas movie, but as usual there aren’t any. Fact.
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Vic on November 19, 2009
I’m sorry, I just can’t agree with you on the cold sprouts. They’re bad enough hot!
Insomniac Mummy on November 19, 2009
Wouldn’t want to be down wind of you on Boxing Day!
Rebel Mother on November 19, 2009
I love sprouts! It has an unfortunate effect on the men in this house though……a windy stink!!
Hope your teenager enjoys her sprout (I did laugh at that).
Love RMxx
Nicola on November 19, 2009
This really made me chuckle Laura. I am enjoying reading everyone’s Rules for the Perfect Xmas…but it also makes me so sad. Most people mention the involvement of their husbands and families. And for the 2nd year running I won’t have either. Xmas used to be my favourite time of year. Now it just feels like a horribly emotional day to just get through – probably just me and the 2 boys before they go to their dads for the weekend.
But at least I am living vicariously through everyone else’s ‘perfect’ version of Xmas and know that one day, mine will be back to resembling something like a proper Xmas too.
Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst on November 19, 2009
‘the teenager…her one sprout’ Haha! Does she give you the ‘look’ whilst eating it??…I always cook bubble & squeak on boxing day morning for breakfast. A great way to get rid of all the uneaten veg, yum, yum, with a fried egg on top!!
Thatgirl39 on November 19, 2009
Fact – Cold sprouts also make good ammunition for throwing directly at the heads of annoying relatives.
You said your rules weren’t scary but the way you kept saying fact, I was getting images of a drill sergeant in my head! Good point on the removing toys from packaging thing – WTH is with all the wires??
Very Bored Housewife on November 19, 2009
I do the ‘one sprout’ thing as well to please the MIL who grows her own especially for the occasion.
Littlemummy on November 19, 2009
Love the scratchcard idea. Will be stealing that
Insomniac Mummy on November 19, 2009
I’m nicking it too!
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem on November 19, 2009
My Christmas tree must be up as soon as December arrives. It must be 3 colours only and well balanced. (Hence, when my boys ‘help’ decorate it, I’m forced to rearrange everything when they have gone to bed.)
My mum almost always makes trifle for Christmas Day. It will be so potent, that it’s questionable whether it’s safe to drive afterwards. Is this a generational thing? I don’t know.
By Christmas night, we’re exhausted and unable to move. The kids have given up on half their presents, and all I wanna do is lie in front of the tv. Day done.
Wife of bold on November 19, 2009
My Mil used to make a mean trifle every christmas too and i LOVE the scratch cards, sounds like a normal christmas to me, especially tackling all that annoying packaging at an ungodly hour
x
Victoria on November 19, 2009
Pink blamange in the trifle. Eww.
Scope on November 20, 2009
Cold sprouts are a work of the DEVIL. Fact – Warm sprouts, with blue cheese and bacon are DEVINE!
Rosie Scribble on November 20, 2009
Your husband does all the cooking? Fabulous. And I love the fact he redecorates the tree when the children are in bed! LOL.
Mark J Daniels on November 21, 2009
Mmmm – cold sprouts! And I know all about being the Dad who has to spend every Christmas morning untying all the ties that hold the harmless toys in to their cardboard prisons!