… I need a drink … I’m hungry … I have a tummy ache … I need a wee … I can’t sleep … I’m too hot … I’m too cold … I need another kiss … I need another cuddle …

I’ve heard them all.

This is possibly the best one I’ve heard so far …

5 year old – Muuuuum

Me - Yes?

5 year old - I think I left my invisible dog downstairs, can I go and get her?

Me - No, you can’t

Possibly the worst thing is what I did next.

I, the sensible adult, stood at the top of the stairs, whistled for the invisible dog to come upstairs and then settled it at the end of the 5 year old’s bed.

I think I just lost ANOTHER marble.

Before the clocks went forward all was well …

Bath, bedtime story, snuggle, goodnight kiss.
All asleep by 7.45.
Glass of vino, feet up, watch TV.

Now?

Bath, bedtime story, snuggle, goodnight kiss.

Then at intervals to suit they get out of bed and hover at the top of the stairs shouting the following;

4 year old – “Mummy, I need to tell you a joke”

10 mins …
3 year old – “Mummy, I need a wee”

5 mins …
4 year old – “Mummy, I have an itch”

5 mins …
3 year old – “Mummy, Ratty is on the floor”

10 mins …
4 year old – “Mummy, he keeps tapping on my wall”

5 mins …
3 year old – “Mummy, pre-school tomorrow?”

10 mins …
4 year old – “Mummy, I accidentally fell out of bed”

10 mins …
3 year old – “Mummy, I need a poo”

5 mins …
4 year old – “Mummy, I’ve spilt water on my bed”

Then … silence.

That’s an hour of up and down, up and down, up and down. The same amount of time that was unpleasantly stolen last Sunday.

The morning after the night before I am greeted by yawning, grumpy children.

They argue about which cereal to have, which chair to sit on, who will look at the milk carton, who should get the fairy dust out of the bottom of the cereal packet, who is the more accomplished whistler … and so on and so forth.

It takes three times as long to do anything. I feel like one of those women in the cartoons who is jumping up and down, bright red in the face with steam coming out of her ears.

I set off for school with the 4 year old who tells me she doesn’t want to go to school because it’s ‘absolooooooootely boring’.

I want to beat her with my handbag, but I refrain.