Our brother in law’s parents live on a farm and have a rather large field out the back. The year the 5 year old was born the men folk of the family gathered and went shopping for fireworks. We’re talking hundreds of pounds and great big fireworks probably called names like HUGE MASSIVE DOUBLE ROCKET OF DOOM, or DEAFENING DEVIL OF TRIPLE HELL FIRE.
They then spent the morning and part of the afternoon of November 5th digging trenches and strategically placing each firework in place. It was a very serious business.
That night family and friends gathered. The brother in law’s mother churned out pies, peas, parkin and roast chestnuts out of the tiniest kitchen I ever did see.
The husband wrapped up warm and sporting a head-torch together with other men started the firework show. It went go on for half an hour and was absolutely magnificent. They were in their element – though due to running back and forth with their heads down never got to see the fruit of their labour. All they heard were the “Ooooooh’s” and “Ahhhhhh’s” with the odd “F*cking hell I nearly got speared with by a falling rocket stick” thrown in for good measure.
Unfortunately after the third year news got around about the firework display. Uninvited people turned up from far and wide so after that Fireworks at the Farm were canceled. A victim of their own success the days of MASSIVE fireworks are long gone.
Which brings me to Teacher Friend Mother of 3 (TFMo3). She hosts tea and fireworks every year for the children at her house. TFMo3 normally just does the quiet but pretty ones which suits us fine.
Don’t get me wrong I LOVE big fireworks, the bigger the better. But, for the past 2 years my children have been frightened of loud fireworks and I have spent most of my time sitting inside with one or both children covering their ears whilst trying to coax them out from under their duvet. It’s just not worth it.
My concern is that TFMo3 has put my husband in charge of the firework display. I have reiterated that the children will be between the ages of 1 to 6 and most are frightened of BIG BANGS. I fear that ‘man lust’ will take over and we will all be deaf by Friday morning.
He is currently in a firework shop, alone, spending a fortune on fireworks and sparklers and I’m scared.
I wonder if I should send out a warning text message to everyone saying ‘Bring ear defenders’.
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audreyhorneforever on November 4, 2009
I am scared too – he must not buy the scary banging ones. Me and the Po will cry!
kim on November 4, 2009
Awww. I feel kind of bad for them about the lack of “man stuff” to do these days. At least this man stuff is sparkly and lights up the sky!
Thatgirl39 on November 4, 2009
Its the same gene as the BBQ one…Man Must Make Fire!! SC hates the loud bangs and last year sat in my brothers conservatory with a pair of ear defenders on. It doesn’t bode well as OH came home last night having picked up some Two For Price Of One fireworks… one is called Sonic Woof! Seriously… why not just call it P**is Extension?
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem on November 4, 2009
We have some great fireworks here in Sydney on NYE. Fantastic. Over the harbour, the harbour bridge lit up as well. But I haven’t taken our boys yet. Our eldest is 7, and he might be ok now, but I’m pretty sure the 2yr would freak out. I’d rather wait until they’re a bit bigger and give it a go. Good luck!
Rebel Mother on November 4, 2009
Men are very primative. Noise, fire, go-a-hunting-down-the-pub!
Efficient ear-plugs are required as well as patience.
What about splashing out on a hotel room for you & the kids, that might make him think.
Men are very primative when it comes to money too – they cry like babies, when theirs not much in them!
RMxx
Bare Naked Mummy on November 4, 2009
My Man has already done one firework display for us when we went away to cottage as had box left over from last year. We have bought some more for bonfire night.
He has already made a list of what order they are to be seen in.
He always buys too many and I get bored and have to fake my excitement!
BNM
xx
Scope on November 4, 2009
It’s explosions as an art form.
I bet if your husband had a bunch of plastic soda bottles, some dry ice, and some water, he could amuse himself for hours making little bombs and rockets and what not.
And Mr. Are We There Yet Mummy, I hope you read this and take up the challenge. I feel like Loki, sowing the seeds of mischief where ever I go this morning.
You’re welcome.
Mwa on November 4, 2009
Sounds like the one at the farm was great fun to set up, nevermind watch. I’m a bit scared of fireworks,too, so I get your children’s fear.
Hot Cross Mum on November 4, 2009
Ah yes – the classic case of ‘I bet my rocket can extend further than yours’ and other such phallic nonsense. I used to be terrified on bonfire night – although the gingerbread cinder toffee eased the pain somewhat!
Insomniac Mummy on November 5, 2009
I’m so glad our garden is far too miniscule (and close to the houses at the back) to even contemplate fireworks.
This, however, doesn’t seem to perturb the neighbourhood eejits.
Baking Mad Mama on November 5, 2009
How true! Before we were married my husband (and his housemate)held a New Year’s party and decided that fireworks were the order of the day. The woman in the shop made the mistake of asking them if they were “after colour or noise?” Cue a houseful of people holding their hands over their ears for an hour at midnight while two men – one dressed as Ian Dury and one as Punch from Punch & Judy I might add – blew Shepherds Bush into oblivion with about 80 quid’s worth of the most insanely loud fireworks I’ve ever heard. Cuh, blokes…
The Book Chook on November 6, 2009
We colonials are no longer allowed to have fireworks in case we do ourselves an injury. You can buy sparklers everywhere, but anything with a tiny bang can only be purchased illegally. This has made neighbourhood dogs much happier, but pretty much killed Cracker Night. (formerly celebrated on Empire Day in Oz) It’s such a shame. When we were kids, it was a yearly highlight to see what injuries the men would cause, and we loved all the bangs, whizzes and oh sh*ts.
I think it is November 5, Guy Fawkes? Was it good then?
Memories Dad on November 6, 2009
As a bloke I can testify to the power that lighting fireworks has over the male psyche. I think it stems from the fun we had as children attaching rockets to either side of the handlebars of our bikes (like sidewinder missiles) and firing them down the street at ‘opposing forces’ (other boys on bikes). Happy (early 1980s) days… and not in the slightest bit dangerous. Ahem.
Jemma on November 6, 2009
You are not alone, i sent other half out for fireworks for 2 year old and 7 year old, i said just get a ‘few’. He came back unable to carry them all in his arms and had to go back to car to collect the rest! He looked like guy fawlks raiding the firework factory!! Both my children came in crying after 20 mins and he spent another hour lighting fireworks for himself lol, Men tut!
Jo Beaufoix on November 7, 2009
Hmmm, am wondering now how it went. Can you still hear? Is he allowed back next year?
Victoria on November 9, 2009
I too am wondering how it went! Hope you are enjoying your blogiday or was it a holiblog?